I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
