man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
