Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
