If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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