you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
