You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
