Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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