dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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