i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize