I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
