yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
