I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
