new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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