I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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