Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
