there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize