that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
