I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
