Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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