This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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