i permit you to call me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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