Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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