speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
