I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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