fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
