U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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