the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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