so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
