so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
