you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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