I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
