i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
