if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
