Pants 0. Shit 1.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize