ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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