So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
