I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
