Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
