It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
