i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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