You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
