So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
