God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Barsexuality is the new black.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
