i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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