I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you had me at cake vodka
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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