with your own penis?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
