Welp...herpes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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