i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
