The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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