I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
