we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
