If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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