I'm drive I can fine osifer
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
