I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize