is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
