I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
