We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
