Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
