I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
