I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
