wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
