im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
