we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
