Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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