Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
