Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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