There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
