I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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