around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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