I heard we made out
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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