I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
