I want to have your abortion
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
