the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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