Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
