We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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