Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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