I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
