I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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