My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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