i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize