We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
