so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
