At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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