I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
