I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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