i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
