Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize