I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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