I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
