My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
