I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
