you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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