I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
