a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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