i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
