so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My vagina is officially offended.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
