dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am mentally ready for anal.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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