whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
