im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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