My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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