i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I checked into jail on foursquare
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize